I’ve flip-flopped on this topic many times in my life, but a few years ago I decided on a mindset that has proven beneficial. I don’t believe in the friendzone. I don’t support the idea of being friendzoned as a concept. People are either friends and lovers, or they’re not. I hate the idea that friendship is somehow degrading and below any romantics. How on Earth is developing lifelong friendships lower than a fleeing fickle flame?
The last few years have proven difficult and tiresome. I'm fucking exhausted at a soul level. I don't know if any amount of naps would ever take this away, but I'll keep trying.
How does it all come rushing back like it never stopped? How do I feel consumed by the desire to message you? And talk to you? And taste you on my lips so sweetly. I want to get stuck on the couch because you fell asleep laying across my lap.
I miss you
I know I shouldn't
I messaged you
Then I turned and ran
I use these fancy words to avoid having to confront the lump in my throat, the race in my chest, the flood in my eyes. Avoiding accepting you’ve left, and that part of my life has past… leaves me breathless and stuttering my words. I hide behind the prose as if it will protect me from the loss I cannot undo.
It’s deceiving,
Please believe me,
This is no man’s way to cry.
It was one of the worst emotional drops on the mental rollercoaster since I had to put Boodah to sleep. I felt sorry for myself. And pity. And shame. And regret. And Sorrow.
But I also felt happiness. I felt hope.
