A Little Bit Older Than I Thought I'd Get, But I think I Like This Little Life

Hmm. Well. It’s that time of year. Graduation season. I’ve been reflecting lately on the fact I graduated nearly 20 years ago. I find it hard to believe some days. And others…well…I feel the wear of years, the loss of friends, the passing of time.

I attended the graduation for the son of my roommates. I call him one of my nephews because he’s only two years older than my nephew. They’re all in that same age group so they all get called nephew. I’m definitely an uncle at this point.

Which…is wild to me. I still remember the sheer excitement, the nervousness, the anxiety, the invincibility of achieving so much after so long. While I don’t remember the entire experience, I enjoy the memories of what has stuck with me through all these years.

I know many people that had horrible experiences throughout high school. The trauma we faced that nobody could prepare us for shattered our worlds over and over again. The rain storms poured out tears. The thunderous roars and yells echoed our fears. The pain lingered longer than the cheers.

And I feel a certain sense of remorse for that reality. I used to feel guilt that I enjoyed so much of those years. I didn’t think I deserved to have my experiences even when I worked for them. I have learned otherwise. I have grown and changed as everyone should. Part of that has come from understanding that the things that others carry are not mine to bear. I do not own those experiences no matter how much I may empathize or sympathize.

Hell, I don’t even remember all of the weights I have shed over the last two decades. I want to boast about how my ability to handle and balance stress, conflict, responsibility, but that would discredit my younger self. It would discredit those same traumas. The pain of many have faded with the memories. The pain of others will echo and linger and cloud our minds forever. But damn man. So do the good memories.

I remember the good times. The hang outs with the homies. The parties. The sports. The music. The friends. And sharing those memories with those friends when we hang out is amazing. They’ve helped me discover so much more music. They’ve helped me grow into a better person. They’ve literally saved my damn life.

I would not be here to this day if not for the friends that I made during those years of school. The memories we’ve made since then far outweigh the ones from high school that seemed so important at the time. And they were. They mattered. They had value. They took effort and work. But, I think of music festivals. I think of concerts. I think of movie screenings. I think of trips to the bar.

I think of all the things that have come over the last two decades and I am incredibly thankful.

I am glad to be here writing this.

So incredibly thankful.

Thank you.