4-5-10
I stand in a crowded room
I feel as alone as a desert snake
Writhing and hiding its way through
A summer sandstorm
The wind blows and deafens my ears
With a constant ringing
With the buzzing of a hornets nest
Buried deep in my chest
Thump.
Thump.
Thump.
You started it, my love, can't stop it
Tried burying it, hiding it, ignoring it, numbing it,
Running, fighting, fucking, speeding, meditating,
praying, wishing, hoping, singing, writing, playing,
Just to maybe—
Just a moment—
For one second—
I've written more songs than I can remember
Had such vivid dreams I swear—!
That I could reach out across the expanse
Years lost, nights' tears, days' misery
Let's be perfectly clear,
I never 'lost' her
I let her go
without so much as a fight
I wanted to believe
In all the bullshit that poisoned my mind
about letting go of what you love
What a crock of shit
Why would anyone believe it?
I was a fool with a 'silly heart'
Can I chalk it up to youth?
What about immaturity?
Insecurities?
Life once seemed a curious series of mistakes
Now I look back and see short-sided visions
Distorted realities forced into molds
I've never quite believed in predestined fate
But I did believe—
Do believe—
I don't know what to believe anymore.
I just know when something becomes
More powerful than imaginable
Until it's undeniably unavoidable.
